So, it's been a while.
I hope everyone had a good year and is ready to take on whatever 2018 is about to throw at us.
Not to put a dampener on the new year festivities but today I wanted to talk about something that has probably been one of my biggest sources of unhappiness since the age of about 12.
Characters in movies and Taylor Swift songs often talk about "being alone in a crowded room" and as corny and cliché as the phrase is, I'm pretty sure it's something everyone has associated with at one point or another.
On and off for years I have found myself among a large group of friends or my small but relatively drama free family but felt entirely isolated, disconnected and lonely, yet not physically alone. This has come to focus within the last few months with most of my friends going off to university and those that have remained occupying their time with busy jobs and relationships. When leaving school, becoming more independent and no longer having a close knit circle of friends whom you see every single day is something every 18 year old must come to expect and accept. However, the acceptation that the closest people in my life now live and lead their own separate existences is something I have quite selfishly really struggled with. The disappointment of not getting into university myself is no doubt a contributing factor, but for the first time probably in my whole life, I have found the past few months to not only be lonely but genuinely alone.
And this bubbled up to the surface when last night, new years eve, I found myself a broken woman, sat on my own on the floor of Smallbrook Queensway, sobbing down the phone to 2 of my very confused and sleep deprived friends who weren't even on the night out.
So I suppose that's my new years resolution: no matter how lonely or alone I feel this year I will not be broken and I will not burden the people I love with it at ungodly hours.
Having said this, there is absolutely nothing to be said for bottling up your feelings (mostly because at some point they will overpower you and you're likely to be sat on the floor outside a club crying).
My outlet is my blog but for those who do not have that, I am going to leave the phone numbers of some places that work to help people with loneliness as well as many other difficult life events. They're the kind of thing I would have strongly liked to advise to 14 year old me.
Samaritans: 116 123
Childline: 0800 1111
MindInfoLine: 0300 123 3393
British Red Cross: 0300 456 1155
TTFN x
